MM: Labor Pains

Ouch! There go those contractions again!

We’ve covered it’s and its. We’ve covered there/their/they’re. We’ve even talked about the uses of the apostrophe. But still, everywhere I go on the internet, contractions are being misused and causing pain to those of us who know better. (I swear, you’d think that nobody read this blog at all. Humph.)

Here’s the pertinent point about contractions: They are made up of two or more words–usually a noun and a verb–combined with the aid of an apostrophe which replaces one or more of the characters of the original words. Words like “waterfall,” “loggerhead” and “earring” are NOT contractions, since their foundation words are spelled out. You can also have contractions in individual words, like “ma’am” for “madam” or “gov’t” for “government,” but for some reason, people don’t seem to have as much trouble with those words.

So, in addition to “it’s” (it is) and “they’re” (they are) mentioned above, some of the obvious ones:

• You’re = You are
• Don’t = Do not
• Aren’t = Are not
• Would’ve = Would have (never “would of”)
• Shan’t = Shall not
• I’m = I am
• We’re = We are
• He’d = He had
• Must’ve = Must have
• Could’ve = Could have (never “could of”)
• Let’s = Let us
• Amn’t = Am not
• Ain’t = Am not

You’ll note that those last two–amn’t and ain’t–mean the same thing. “Ain’t” comes with all sorts of grammatical baggage and is one that the grammar police love to pull over for reckless endangerment of the English language. Generally speaking, “ain’t” is not considered to be proper, or polite, even though it is ironically more correct when used with “I” than the “correct” form, “aren’t.”

As a rule, contractions are frowned upon in formal writing. You should never use them in, say, a business letter, or a doctoral thesis (unless you’re quoting someone). In informal writing, though? Well, you’ve already noticed that I like to use them. It’s more conversational than the more stilted, fully-spelled-out versions. Although, it’s interesting that, when reading, most of us mentally combine the root words into contractions anyway. I could write “I am” but most readers won’t notice whether or not I’ve used the contraction, or not–our brains process them the same way. Go figure.

Your basic rule of thumb? If the word you’re thinking, speaking, or writing is made up of one or more words–easily tested by “spelling it out” in your head–you’ve got a contraction and you will need an apostrophe to write it correctly.

 Edited to add:

Since there were a couple of comments about “amn’t,” I thought I’d  address this a little further. Because, it’s true, “amn’t” is a rather archaic usage. I’ve mostly (only?) ever seen it in things like 19th century novels, but I definitely HAVE seen it. I mean, really, Louisa May Alcott used to use it all the time…. These days, people usually use “aren’t” which is ironic because it’s completely incorrect. You wouldn’t say, “Are not I smart?” so why would you say, “Aren’t I smart?” “Ain’t I smart” is grammatically incorrect as far as illegal contractions go, but is actually closer to the correct grammatical verb structure of the sentence. Really, you should be saying either “Am I not smart?” or “Amn’t I smart?”

Or, you can take the other way out of this messy tangle and just use the modern English “I’m not” . . . although, it doesn’t fit very nicely into my example, does it? “I’m not smart?” just doesn’t have quite the congratulatory, self-affirming ring of the other variations, does it?