Wanted: Literary Agent of My Dreams

Wanted: A Literary Agent Who Will Love My Book as Much as I Do.

I’ve tried those online dating services, like Writers Market.com, but still haven’t found The One yet. You know, the Literary Agent that will read my entire manuscript and be so enchanted that she or he will go to any lengths to put it in the hands of just the right book publisher.

Sure, there are dating services that promise to help match me up with just the right Agent, but that process is so sterile, so cookie-cutter. It can work, of course, and I’m not knocking it–you have to do what works for you–but my experience has been disappointing. The search criteria meant to help pinpoint just the perfect agent seems less than helpful. Too many of the suggested agents aren’t accepting new clients, or only clients that have been recommended (an option that WM doesn’t seem to have a filter for).

And then, the bullet-list feel of some of the entries, that just list a series of genres, without saying what the agent actually likes. What’s with that? If you’ve got a science fiction novel and they say they like sci-fi, that’s great, but how do you know what kind of sci-fi they like? I entirely understand a person (and Literary Agents ARE people) having a variety of interests, but bullet-lists just don’t cut it for me.

No, the mix-and-match online services just don’t seem to be working for me. I want to find the Literary Agent of my dreams naturally, you know? Bump into her at a coffee shop, get introduced by a mutual friend. Maybe we could both be reaching for the same book at a bookstore, and our eyes will meet, and she’ll say, “That’s one of my authors, you know.” And then I’ll say, “But, I LOVE her. She’s such a strong influence on my own novel.” “You have a novel?” she’ll ask, eyes kindling with interest …

Too romantic, you say? No such thing, say I! A relationship between Author and Agent should be so much more than a contract for mutual benefit. It should be more meaningful. Just because it should be profitable for all parties concerned doesn’t mean that there should not be fun, affection, and passion as well.

I’m not looking for just any Literary Agent. No, I’m looking for one who will read my book and fall in love with it, like I did. I’m not saying I want him or her to be blind to its faults (I’m sure there are some), but if she can’t see the wonderful points, why should either of us bother? I don’t want some fly-by-night business relationship, I want the kind of long-term partnership I’ve heard other authors dream of. And yes, I mean Partnership. Equal give and take, support, mutual esteem, respect, and … did I mention the fun and passion?

Because, let’s not forget, I’m looking for someone to help guide the interests of my baby, my 124,000-word collection of inspiration, wonder, hard work, and perspiration. I don’t want just anybody taking care of it. I need The One. Someone who will be as committed to its care, feeding, and welfare as I am … and who will be as delighted as I to see it grow and prosper.

Is that really too much to ask?