[…] We talked about the importance of respect. […]

[…] This post, by Deb over at Punctuality Rules!, has had me thinking for a few weeks about holding the door. Back in July, I wrote a post about women who eschew the term feminist, because to them it divides us as women, or because they don’t like the stereotype of women who are unfeminine man haters, and wish to distance themselves from that idea altogether. I’m not sure why Deb’s post got me thinking again about my previous post, and the comments in that post, but it did. Whenever the issue of feminism comes up, the issue of holding the door open comes up. Some men were raised to believe that to hold a door open for a lady is a sign of respect, and some women were raised to believe the same thing, and thus they see a man holding the door open for them as a recognition of that same respect. Some women feel that for a man to hold a door open for her means that he doesn’t feel that she is capable of holding the door open for herself, and that she somehow needs special treatment to function in the world. Special not being a compliment in this case. My mom raised me to be a feminist, raised me in the 70s and 80s, and to believe that not only could I hold a door for myself, I could also change the oil in my car if I so chose, balance my own checkbook, live wherever I wanted, get whatever education I wanted, etc. In none of these lessons did she say that by doing these things, I was losing my femininity. In none of these lessons did she teach me that men are the enemy. In none of these lessons did she teach me to be strident or angry if a man chose to open a door for me. Indeed, I was taught that it is good manners to hold the door open for anyone coming behind you, be they male or female, and bad manners to close the door in a person’s face. […]

I’ve always attributed not having much problem with disrespect to my dislike of jeans and t-shirt wear. I’ll wear jeans, but with a nicer top. The only time I wear a t-shirt is when working out or cleaning house.

I am no prude and certainly don’t follow every rule of etiquette but I’ve become so irratated at today’s society. People are rude at every turn it seems. So now, I just let the sack boy at the grocery call me ma’am because it shows, at least to me, that he has some manners and shouldn’t be corrected or admonished for doing what his parents told him to do. As for holding a door, I let a man hold a door for me for the same reason. I am pretty sure that they know I am capable of opening a door myself but I like to encourage thoughtfulness and I think that, in this day, that’s what the man feels like he is being.

This is a long comment from someone so new. Sorry to just barge in and not say hello first.

I don’t want a man to hold a door for me because I am a woman. I am capable of holding a door for myself. (Mostly irritating when the man is behind me, and expects me to wait for him like an idiot while he catches up and opens the door. If I open it myself, like a normal functioning adult, I get a frustrated sigh. If you think I’m kidding, I’m not. There are men like this out there.) I do think it is good manners to hold the door for the person behind you, if it’s reasonable to do so, whatever their gender, as it seems rude to me to shut the door in someone’s face. And if their arms are full, be they man or woman, of course I’m willing to wait a bit to keep that door open for them, and would think kindly of anyone willing to make the same sacrifice for me.

Tee shirts, shorts, sweats (read:pajamas), waistlines at the knee (men, not boys) and at the armpit (women - I can’t in honesty say ladies), and all of them claimed to be doing this errand whilst on lunch break from work, and all of them clamed that they were treated as second class citizens. And that they dressed that way because it was “more comfortable”, all the while grabbing errant bits of clothing and re-adjusting wayward garments being taken over by gravity. Oh yes, and it’s more affordable. Grey flannel slacks (Resale shop) - $2.50. Seersucker jacket (garage sale) - $1.75. Oxford button-down shirt (remaindered) - $3.00. Pressing all that myself - 5 minutes.

These people suffer from an excess of self esteem and a decided lack of pride.

Thanks for letting me shout with your voice.

By the way, I’m singularly innumerate with regards to the birthdays of women; my mother taught me that men have ages, ladies have birthdays.

So, again, congratulatons to the world for having you in it for another (not numbered) year.